My Father’s Daughter

Daddy & his girls, 1974

For the better part of the first two years after my Dad’s suicide on May 13, 1987, I firmly believed it was all a nightmare that I was going to wake up from. That I would find my Dad sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a cigarette in his hand, watching the 11:00 news.


I guess your mind only allows you to absorb such agony in small doses. I remember thinking “Is today the day I will wake up and this will be over?”


My Dad never wanted us to know he had Bi-polar disorder. He was too ashamed. He thought we wouldn’t love him if we knew. We were best friends, he and I, and I was always proud when someone said “Wow, Suzi is just like you Jim”. Little did I know then, how much like him I really was.



Around the age of 21, I began to show symptoms of Bi-Polar disorder. When I was diagnosed, I thought I had been given a death sentence. I was a third generation in a row with this illness and both my Dad and grandfather didn’t make it, so I was certain I wouldn’t live past the age of 25. But I did. I learned to take care of my illness and succeed in life despite it. I am almost 40 years old now ~ and I am still here.


I heard about “The Overnight” on the radio, and it really struck a chord with me. I want to help people come out of the darkness and ask for help. If my Dad had done that, he might be alive today. But I am also doing this walk for me. It affirms my life and it reinforces
the fact that I am a survivor, and that the legacy of suicide in my family will stop with me.


I had never done any type of fundraising before, but I shot out emails to friends, co-workers, former employees, etc. And I can not tell you how wonderful and supportive the response has been. In less than one month, I have raised $3,500.00. And I’m just getting started! I’m so overwhelmed by the love and generosity of people. It just blows me away.


Also, for the first time in 24 years, I know I am not alone. There are other people that understand that my Dad was a living, breathing, excellent human being who just could not find peace in his mind. This feeling of community is something I never expected to find~ but it is a huge bonus of participating in an event like this.


I know suicide will not be the manner in which my life ends. I have a long happy life ahead of me. I can help others and share my life lessons with those in pain. I am loved and I have loved. And now, I can say with pride, not fear ~ I AM my Father’s daughter.


Susan Trumbauer Brocato
Proud Daughter of James R. Trumbauer, Jr.