- Think about your family's holiday traditions. Consider which ones you would like to continue, and which you would not. Consider developing new traditions if that feels best.
- If you would find it comforting, make a plan to get your loved one’s friends and family together to acknowledge her or his birthday. If spending the day alone feels like a better choice, or with just one or two close friends or family, that’s okay, too.
- Some people who have lost someone to suicide find this ritual helpful for observing holiday gatherings: Light two candles, then blow one out. Explain that the extinguished candle represents the person lost to suicide, and the one that continues to burn represents the loved ones who are present, going on despite our loss and pain. Let the candle burn throughout the holiday meal or event, placing it to the side if you like. The glowing flame remains a quiet reminder of the one who is missing.
- Above all, bear in mind that there is no correct way to handle holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays. You and your family may decide to try several different approaches before finding one that feels best.
AFSP’s practical guide to coping during this time of year can be applied to any special occasion, from an anniversary to a birthday. To read AFSP’s full list of tips, click here
Additional Resources*
- Read stories of how other survivors of suicide loss have coped with holidays: http://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide/personal-stories
- A guide to helping children understand: http://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide/where-do-i-begin/helping-children-understand
- Food Network Star and Survivor of Suicide Loss, Melissa D’Arabian, offers a few comfort food recipes that might be part of your new traditions or perhaps even a comforting reminder of your lost loved one: http://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide/where-do-i-begin/handling-special-occasions/comfort-food
*You can find all of these resources and more about losing a loved one to suicide at http://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide
As we embark on the upcoming holiday season, it may also be helpful to hear stories of other survivors of suicide loss. On November 23rd, AFSP helped organize over 300 International Survivors of Suicide Day conferences around the world as an opportunity for the survivor community to come together for support, healing, information and empowerment. Both the newly bereaved and those who are years out from their loss came together to remember and honor their loved ones and further build a community of survivors. To watch the program along with programs from the last two years free of charge, please click here.
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