Kristin's Story

My name is Kristin Quigley. I am the captain of the Tommy Fuss Team. In November of 2006, I lost my 17 year old cousin, Tommy Fuss, to suicide. I will never forget that night. How I was told by my mom. And how I couldn’t even utter the words myself, that Tommy was gone. All of our lives changed that day in so many ways.

 This tragedy struck me particularly hard due to my own mental illness. I have suffered from bipolar disorder for many years. It has been and will continue to be a lifelong struggle. However, I have my illness under control right now and am doing excellent. But to this day, I wonder if I could have helped Tommy more by sharing with him my story. How much I struggled in those “dark” years before my diagnosis and treatment. I know what it feels like to feel helpless and powerless. But I also know what it feels like to be in a good place, like I am now! To this day, I wished I had shared that with Tommy, and I will always regret that.

A few months after we lost Tommy, I heard about this walk on the radio. I really didn’t think twice and just decided I was going to do it. I needed to do it, for Tommy, my family, myself, and others still suffering. I was a little nervous though, because no one would walk with me! I asked all of my friends and everyone laughed and said, “20 miles, you’re crazy!” When my Aunt RoseMary (Tommy’s mother) found out about it, she jumped right on board and I was a little surprised! But now, we’ve never looked back! Our team has grown exponentially from walkers to crew! I am so proud!

Once I decided to do the walk and I signed up, it was time to post my fundraising page. I knew that if I was going to do this walk, I needed to share my story. And I did. I sat down one day and typed out my story, took a deep breath, and pressed save. And there it was for the world to see. I was afraid of what reactions I might get from people. I hadn’t told very many people my story for fear of being judged or looked at differently. But I knew my entire purpose of this walk was to encourage people to get help and not be afraid to come forward…so I certainly couldn’t keep quiet any longer. I already regretting not talking to Tommy, my hope was that sharing my story may save someone else from the pain too many of us suffer in silence from. As I always say…We can’t fight something that we keep in the dark! We must bring the issues of mental illness and suicide out of the darkness and into the light or nothing can ever change!

Before the walk, very few people knew my story, but now, just about everyone I knew was going to find out. And to my surprise, the reaction I received was overwhelmingly positive. I got so many hugs, tears and thank yous and many from people I would have never expected. There were a lot of people who were surprised to hear that I suffered from bipolar disorder. And it was good for them to realize that someone like me who was successful and generally happy suffers from a mental illness and is now doing well! I AM the face of mental illness and I am NOT someone to be afraid of!

I had one friend, who I went to high school with and knew me before and after diagnosis and treatment, say to me, “when did you go on medication and start getting treatment?” When I told her she immediately said she could tell the difference and just didn’t know why I had changed! That is what I hope people will see from me; that you don’t have to suffer. It is not your destiny to not get well. You can get help and can be happy again. When I was in my darkest times, I never thought I’d be where I am today! (And I think many who knew me didn’t think so either!) I want others to realize…that it is possible! I know I certainly did not think it was. But I was one of the lucky ones.

Next came the fundraising. I sent out a letter of my story to literally almost everyone I knew (and emailed my fundraising page to everyone else). At first I thought I was never going to make it to $1,000! I remember crying to my mom about it one night. Well, boy was I wrong. I personally raised more than $5,000 that first year! I was shocked! Of course, a lot of it was from family who were donating in memory of Tommy, but I think many people were so touched by my honesty in sharing my story.

This walk had given me some peace and some closure to the loss of my dear cousin and to my own struggles. I will never be over losing Tommy and I will never be the same person. But this walk has given me some meaning to it all. I am the type of person who needs to find the good out of everything. And trust me; I thought there would be nothing good to come out of losing my cousin. But at least maybe we are changing some lives and saving some others from living with the pain of a mental illness. Hopefully we have created dialogue between friends and families. Maybe some people are now more open to mental illness and are not so judgmental making it easier for loved ones to come forward to get help.

Now we are walking with so many of Tommy’s close friends and it is such a beautiful tribute to the kind of friend Tommy was. My mom crews each year and her cousin and my brother have joined her. It is great to see familiar faces on the route! Tommy’s brother walks with us as well as other friends who are so supportive of the cause. This year is very special to us. My Aunt RoseMary, Tommy and family are from right outside of Boston. We are expecting a large team of walkers and crew this year and an even bigger send off at the opening ceremonies! A far cry from not having anyone to walk with!

Thank you to everyone who has helped and supported the Tommy Fuss Team in any way. And thank you to Aunt RoseMary and the Tommy Fuss Team for helping my dreams come true. Having this team behind me means more to me than you will ever know! Tommy must be so proud! See you in Boston!!!