I had a 3 week old baby girl when my brother passed away…. a niece he never met, but oddly enough, the date of her birth marks the last time we spoke. Every time I walk thru the street where I was parked when I received his call, I inevitably think of him. Every time she has a birthday, I remember that´s the amount of years he has been gone. This experience has taken a toll on me, which can´t be measured, it can´t be explained in words… the deepest scar on my soul. So many things left unsaid, undone… such pain for the absence and for all that which could have been, but never will be. This is the brutality of suicide, on all those of us who survive it.
At first I remained stoic…after all, I had 2 young children who depended on me 24/7… after all, my grief couldn´t possibly compare to that of my parents so I had to be strong for them as well…. right? RIGHT???!! Yes, I cried, mostly in private, at night…. Until 3 months later when a former coworker committed suicide and then all hell broke loose inside of me. Suddenly I could no longer contain the emotional tidal waves that had been brewing inside of me and I just let go. Suicide had never really been an option for me, but suddenly my brother had opened this whole new world of macabre possibilities…. I never actually tried, but God knows the thought crossed my mind too many times.
From the early days of my grief, I understood that this ¨beast¨ had the potential of devouring me… my gut urged me to find reinforcements, if I was ever to tame it. Americans speak of suicide being a taboo, and I don´t doubt it is … but if you want a dip into the dark ages, come on down to sunny Costa Rica! There was nothing, absolutely no resources for survivors of suicide… I know because I looked under the rocks. My lifeline back then was a U.S.-based website (www.survivorsofsuicide.com ) that, among other things, included a priceless forum where I could contact others in my situation. Looking back on those days, I was too overwhelmed to find the universe of online resources available to survivors… thank God I managed to at least find that one. Aside from this virtual aid, I also started my own personal therapy.
Today, almost 40 months into this journey, I can say it doesn´t get easier, it just becomes familiar. You learn to live with the terrible images that assault you occasionally… you learn to live with the absence and the unfulfilled possibilities… you learn to cope with people´s cruel remarks… you forgive yourself and your loved one. You learn, you learn, you learn…. You live, you learn…isn´t that how the song goes?
I am now at a point where I not only actively work on my healing, I want to help others heal as well. This is why, two months ago, I materialized the thoughts that had been running thru my mind for months. On the same night, I booked a trip to Orlando, to attend the ¨AAS/AFSP 22nd Annual Healing after Suicide Conference¨ and AFSP´s ¨Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk¨, in Boston. I also teamed up with a fellow survivor friend, to create a website to serve the Spanish-speaking survivor community.
This website project is geared for Costa Rica, but since it´s online it will be useful to people around the world, who speak Spanish. At this point, my friend has moved away so I´m left at it alone, but very much motivated to make it happen. The idea is to provide survivors with important information and most important, an online forum where they can share with fellow survivors. Eventually, it´d be wonderful to move from online to live groups as well…but only time will tell. I plan to launch the website on November 20th, National Survivors of Suicide Day. That day, as part of the activities, we´ll hopefully be able to be a host site, for a world-wide broadcast, organized by AFSP.
Attending the Conference in Orlando was a wonderful experience. On one hand I had a vast amount of information and networking possibilities for our website-building efforts. On the other hand, were the people…the amazing people I met. Oddly enough, we never exchanged contact info, but I shared very intimate moments with absolute strangers. You know what though? That´s the whole point of attending an event like this. We survivors, we are bonded for life… there´s an energy between us that´s thick and undescribable. We were granted a lifelong entry to a club…we didn´t ask for membership but we belong. For all those who have sat among survivors, you´ll understand when I say, that there is an inmense healing power in a Survivor support group….it´s like emotionally coming home you know? A place where you don´t have to try explaining, because everybody knows where it hurts and just how much it hurts.
As far as the Overnight Walk goes, I was very nervous about raising the $1000 required to participate. I sent out an email to the 300 contacts I had on my email and Facebook lists…. and the process has been an absolute surprise! Exactly like when my brother died, some of the people I expected total support from, have not even bothered to email me back… and people I never thought would even acknowledge my message, have donated and generously. It has been such a rewarding experience and I´m happy to say that as of today I have almost doubled my goal! I´ve also learned, because of my donors´ emails, that a lot of them have battled with mental disorders or have lost someone to suicide and had chosen to keep it quiet.
The Overnight has also provided me with a new network of survivors….my fellow team members… one of which I´ve already had the opportunity to meet, in Orlando, during the Healing Conference. These are awesome people…we´ve connected thru email and Facebook and I already feel like I´m a part of something special, despite not even being in the same country as they are.
My only concern now, is being able to walk the whole way, since I really haven´t trained much. I don´t doubt I´ll make it…the question is if my legs will respond once I cross the finish line!! My fellow team-members, many of who have walked it before, have assured me it´s such a powerful experience, that the adrenaline gets you half way there…. I´m counting on that!!! We´re a month away and I can´t wait for that one special night when I´ll walk beside my brother, to help raise awareness and bring this reality, out of the darkness. See you there!
Your friend,
Jackie Secades
(Heredia, Costa Rica)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Chris's Story
I have read the other stories of survival, and was moved by each one. I felt inspired by them to share my own. I don't know what it is with Nevada, but we seem to lead the nation in suicides each year. My story is a testament to that harsh reality. Fifteen years ago, when I was 19, the first friend I lost, Burke, was due to suicide. Burke, and another friend of his Josh, both shot themselves. Then, at 21 my friend Shawn shot himself the night before Thanksgiving. Shawn's death hurt me deeply. Shawn was three years older than me and from my neighborhood, and became to me like an older brother. I've never stopped thinking of those two everyday since, and there's not a Beastie Boy's song I can hear that doesn't instantly trigger a Shawn memory. Well, years past and their memory has always remained, I just didn't know events and organizations like this existed until recently. On June 23rd 2006, my father, Harry Reynold's, took his life at 49 years old with alcohol and pills. Needless to say, this shook my foundation. My dad was a very loving, caring guy that had great compassion for the world's underdog's. He had one of the hardest childhood's of anyone I've ever known, and for him to have such love and compassion for others, and to create the success for himself that he did, was a great inspiration for me. Because I wanted to honor his memory in the same sort of way I started looking for something to volunteer myself to. I just couldn't seem to find the right fit, nothing ever really hit me until March 25th 2009. On March 23rd, my younger brother Jeff, not related to Harry, at 27 took his life also. He to shot himself. The reason I say the 25th of March was my day of inspiration is because that was the day of Jeff's viewing. I'd been looking so long for something to get involved in but suicide prevention never came to me until that day. I left the viewing, got into my car, and just said out loud, "This has to stop." And that's when it came. I got an intense warmth that started in my heart and just dispersed all through my body, and my mind said "suicide prevention" loud and clear. I honestly couldn't believe what had just happened. It was that easy, yet it took so much for me to get there. Since then, this is what I fight for. That May, with help from some of Jeff's friends, we put together a small little rock show, took a cover charge, sold some shirts, and raised $3,200 that we donated to our local Crisis Call Center, and local Walk In Memory that is held annually here in Reno. Through my efforts to get involved in prevention I found this Overnight Walk. This will be my first year walking. I started Team Jeff Rand/Harry Reynolds. I will be walking with two of my other younger brothers Eric and Joseph. We have raised our goal already and I am so looking forward to this experience with them. I can't wait to be a part of this and to be with so many other survivors from all over the country. I've already met such great and inspirational people locally. I will miss my friends and family deeply forever and will never quit loving them. I do this in their honor. Through the darkness their light shines. I know you now. I fight for you now. I suffer for you now. I live for you now.
-Chris Rand-Reynolds
-Chris Rand-Reynolds
Monday, May 17, 2010
Thomas's Story
This message was sent to us by, Thomas, a young man who lost his friend Bailey to suicide in 2008. Thomas found out about The Overnight from Bailey's mother, who walked in the Chicago Overnight and will be returning this year in Boston.
"Hey it Thomas i survivor from my friend Bailey who killed herself and i had written this story about it and i thought i share it with you guys.
My Worst Nightmare started November 17, 2008. I woke up and went to school. When I arrived to school the vice principal was standing outside greeting some of the kids. I wondered, what happened so I went into the school to go to homeroom. I then sat down and looked around and I didn’t see my best friend. So I wondered where she was. So I went to class and went through the day. Then the period before lunch I was in art therapy. That is when the school’s psychiatrist came to my class. Then he asked to talk to me. So I went into his office and he sat me down and asked how I was. Then he said I have some bad news. Your good friend killed herself last night she shot herself in the head. I also struggle with depression so the psychiatrist had said I called your dad and you are going home with him But that is when I refused and went on with the day. All I remember after that was suffering and feeling really hopeless until I heard about the overnight walk by my friend’s mom and then I was relieved because I heard about an organization that was actually fighting for people like me and my friend and we were not being looked down upon. Unfortunately, because of health and issues with my own depression I won’t be walking this year but I encourage anyone who lost a loved one to suicide that can walk it does or at least volunteer because you feel like you’re not alone. You find a huge group of people that share something in common with everyone and you feel important and find a cause to live for if you struggle yourself with depression."
"Hey it Thomas i survivor from my friend Bailey who killed herself and i had written this story about it and i thought i share it with you guys.
My Worst Nightmare started November 17, 2008. I woke up and went to school. When I arrived to school the vice principal was standing outside greeting some of the kids. I wondered, what happened so I went into the school to go to homeroom. I then sat down and looked around and I didn’t see my best friend. So I wondered where she was. So I went to class and went through the day. Then the period before lunch I was in art therapy. That is when the school’s psychiatrist came to my class. Then he asked to talk to me. So I went into his office and he sat me down and asked how I was. Then he said I have some bad news. Your good friend killed herself last night she shot herself in the head. I also struggle with depression so the psychiatrist had said I called your dad and you are going home with him But that is when I refused and went on with the day. All I remember after that was suffering and feeling really hopeless until I heard about the overnight walk by my friend’s mom and then I was relieved because I heard about an organization that was actually fighting for people like me and my friend and we were not being looked down upon. Unfortunately, because of health and issues with my own depression I won’t be walking this year but I encourage anyone who lost a loved one to suicide that can walk it does or at least volunteer because you feel like you’re not alone. You find a huge group of people that share something in common with everyone and you feel important and find a cause to live for if you struggle yourself with depression."
Thursday, May 13, 2010
More Overnight Walkers in the News
As we move closer to the date of the Boston Overnight, many more walkers are using the Hometown Press Release to have share their stories.
Kimberly Paquette's story: Local woman participates in walk in memory of friend who committed suicide
Arthur Fryar's story: Scituate residents walking for suicide prevention
Meghan Baer's story: Swampscott resident to walk 18 miles for suicide prevention
Jon Fadzen's & Lisa Taylor's story: Boston odyssey to honor memory of Wexford man
RoseMary Fuss's story: Wellesley woman creates "Hope Tree" to honor son's memory
Danielle Williamson's story: Walking a mile (or 6) in her shoes
Candice Cunha's story: Billerica residents want to raise awareness of suicide
Kimberly Paquette's story: Local woman participates in walk in memory of friend who committed suicide
Arthur Fryar's story: Scituate residents walking for suicide prevention
Meghan Baer's story: Swampscott resident to walk 18 miles for suicide prevention
Jon Fadzen's & Lisa Taylor's story: Boston odyssey to honor memory of Wexford man
RoseMary Fuss's story: Wellesley woman creates "Hope Tree" to honor son's memory
Danielle Williamson's story: Walking a mile (or 6) in her shoes
Candice Cunha's story: Billerica residents want to raise awareness of suicide
Monday, May 10, 2010
Kati's Story
My brother Michael died by suicide 21 years ago, when he was 16 and I was 18. So why didn't I know about AFSP until just last year?
It's been a long road for me, and there are still times when I feel I haven't worked through my grief. Of course, it will always be a part of who I am now, but I am finally beginning to get unstuck. A big part of my recent progress is participating in the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk in Boston this June.
In November I watched (program), webcast on the AFSP website. Listening to others describe their experiences and grief, I realized that I wanted to be able to speak about my loss too, but in a different way. For 21 years it has mostly been in a detached manner. I wanted to be able to talk about it with feeling, with honesty, with heart, and not feel like I was stumbling over words. These five people could do it, and so I thought maybe one day I could too.
After the webcast I participated in the online chat. I felt mildly uncomfortable putting myself out there; after all, these were complete strangers! To my surprise, there were people there who had the same feelings I did, and offered ME support and empathy. Ok, so now what?
On the AFSP website I read every page I could about the Out of the Darkness Walk in Boston, and just felt that I should walk. I needed to begin my final stages of healing, once and for all.But would my family and friends support me? What about my husband? How was I going to raise the minimum requirement? How was I going to walk 18 miles in the dark? Fortunately, the support available to walkers is there – training schedules, how to fundraise, a personal fundraising page, and people available to help you meet your goals.
At Thanksgiving I approached my family, with my husband's support. We hadn't talked about Michael very much, and I was very nervous. I think they were shocked, and didn't quite know how to react, but by the next day, my mom asked more questions and was showing the seeds of support.
I registered in December. Wow. I was really going to do it. This journey would help me heal, help me move on, help me pull myself out from under my own old cloud of grief.
I shared my plans with my dear friend Amy. I was amazed when she said she would walk with me! And several weeks later, more friends said they wanted to walk also! I had never even imagined asking people to walk with me – I was prepared from the start to walk alone. Knowing that I had the support of several friends made me stronger and even more motivated. I am so grateful!
Newly Commited
In January I sent out my first donation request to a Memories group I created on Facebook for my brother. Within minutes, I received my first donation! Within a few days more people donated. I was so touched by their messages of support.
The training schedule provided much needed structure, and I began walking on January 25 – just five months from the Walk. I recruited a friend from work to train with me. Support comes in more forms than money! We bundled up and braved the cold a couple times a week. Walking with someone makes the walk go quicker, and our friendship has strengthened by spending more time together.
Walking with a friend or coworker gives me a chance to reconnect to people and to share my story. I am able to talk about my experience with my brother's suicide. Sharing the mission of the AFSP makes me feel good, like I am contributing to the efforts of many. After all, it was 21 years until I had heard of the AFSP, and I didn't want other people to have to wait so long.
Walking alone gives me time to reflect and reconnect with myself and my own feelings and emotions surrounding my loss. I think of my brother, of the unanswered questions I will always have, and what kind of man he would have been today. I am renewed in my efforts in walking, in large part because I want other people in crisis to know they have somewhere to turn, someone to talk to... something my brother seemingly was unable to do. Sometimes a specific memory is triggered, and sometimes I cry. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
I've walked all over my neighborhood, around the neighborhood at work, at the gym, and even on vacation. My layers of self-consciousness are slowly unfolding, and I am beginning to recognize the progress I've made both physically and emotionally. It's been close to 20 years since I've jogged, and just a few weeks ago, I jogged! Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
Physically walking gets easier. I know I can tackle four miles, six miles, “The Hill” at work, two hours on the treadmill. Emotionally it is bearable also. Knowing how many people support me gives me so much motivation too. Their support means they believe in me, in the AFSP, and in the need for greater resources available. I am obligated not only to myself, as I first thought, but to each person who has donated time, effort and friendship. I am grateful to everyone who is there for me during this journey, and try to let them all know how they are helping me, and more importantly how they are helping those in crisis or in need of AFSP's resources.
Fundraising
Initially, I was very nervous about being able to raise the minimum requirement. I've always shied away from asking people for money, so $1000 seemed like a huge goal! Again, I relied on the suggestions on the Out of the Darkness website for ideas, and have implemented the ones that make most sense for my personality.
I knew I'd be able to get support from my family, but not the minimum! So I reached out to a group I created online. It's a Memories group, and has over 120 members, all who knew my brother, of knew of him through me. I sent a message to all, and have received some support through there. I post progress reports, and am encouraged by the moral support from them too. To make my appeal more personal, I suggested donations of $16 - $1 for each year of Michael's life, or $21 - $1 for each year he's been gone. A few people responded in just that way! The messages that came through on my fundraising page were heartfelt and sincere, and touched me more than I could have ever imagined.
Going through my address book was another big task for me. Finally it was all gathered, my personal message was drafted (again, based on drafts from the Out of the Darkness website), and I pressed Send. Each donation that came in surprised me, in a very good way, and I began to see just how many people are affected by suicide. Every donation renews my efforts to train and to keep telling people about the Walk. One person forwarded my email to several of his contacts, and within a few days a $200 donation had come in – from a complete stranger! I was amazed. Over the next week, several more donations came in, and it was a flurry of excitement in my heart, with thank-yous, and scheduling more walk time.
I tried to think of creative, relevant ways to ask people for support. In one challenge, I pledged to walk one mile for every person who donated before the end of the week. Four people responded. Not as many as I'd hoped, but four people's support is better than none!
At work, we have a strict policy about soliciting fundraising events, but I still wanted to get the word out. A bake sale wasn't appealing to me... but I can make a mean pot of chili! I ran the idea past my boss, and she was on board right away. I would offer bowls of my homemade chili for a $5 donation. If people brought in a to-go container, they could buy more bowls.
Planning began. I'd offer chili, cornbread, cheese, sour cream and chips. Robin would make the cornbread and bring the fixins. I created sign up sheets with a brief statement of what I was fundraising for, including a picture of Michael and telling of my loss. I placed the sign up sheets in the lunchrooms, and within an hour, people were signing up. One of the first caught me in passing and began to share several stories of how he had been affected by suicide. With just one piece of paper, he shared so openly, and said how tragic it was! He feels that there isn't too much someone can do if they have their mind set on suicide, but truly supports my effort in the hopes that we CAN reach people before it's too late. His story was touching, and his expressions of condolence and support reinforced in my mind that I was doing the right thing.
More people signed up, and as they did, several came to me and shared sympathy and their own stories. I found it was a wonderful way to start a dialogue about why the AFSP and this Walk is so important to me. Plus, I got to say to several people, “Yeah, he really WAS a cutie.” And, “I'm walking so that hopefully, someone else is spared this kind of tragedy.”
By Chili Day Eve, about 40 bowls were pledged. My teammate Amy came over and helped me assemble all five crockpots, plus a spare bowl of ingredients. She took two home and turned them on at 5 a.m., and I turned two on at the same time. The other I would start later for the night shift. In the morning I stopped by her house, had four hot pots of chili infusing my car with spicy aroma, and brought them all into work. A few holdouts were bowled over by the smell wafting through the building, and were practically begging for a bowl! THIS is why I made extra!
We set everything out, and bowl by bowl, donations came in. One manager who had forgotten to sign up handed me some cash, refused a bowl, and said, “for the cause...” Another person asked for a second bowl. Some people gave extra cash, others refused change for a ten or even a twenty. Several times people commented on how they thought it was an important cause. Of course, I agreed whole-heartedly!
As a small token of thanks for those who had donated, I prepared a recipe card – my chili recipe on one side, and my story, with thanks for their support, on the other. I attached a packet of premixed chili spices to it also.
By the time Chili Day was over, my coworkers had donated $350! And this was all without being able to solicit. People told other people, or they saw the sign up sheet. Two friends did encourage people to sign up, and that helped a lot. Even after Chili Day, people sent money, and the final show of support was exactly $400.
I had timed the event for April 8, which historically is still great chili weather. Imagine my anxiety when it was forecast to be in the 80s! Regardless, people still signed up, or asked to buy a bowl, even if they had other lunch plans. How cool is that!
Before I left for the day I composed an email to my supporters. It came from the heart, truly. I am so humbled and proud to be working with such generous people, and wanted everyone to know that their support encourages me to keep training.
More Publicity
Another outlet to raise awareness was to submit an article to my company's newsletter. Using the template on the Out of the Darkness website, I filled in my information and my reasons for participating, and sent it to the editor. After a few logisitics questions, she wrote me a very touching personal email, expressing her condolences. Her display of kindness and concern touched me so immediately, tears came, and I had a good short little cry, right at me desk. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
It was the first time in over 20 years that condolences had touched me so. I've opened myself up to feeling more deeply and to receiving expressions of support. For so many years, that part of me has been closed off. Now, I am beginning to feel as if the support is like a big pillow, and it's ok to fall and stumble, because I have this ever-expanding network of people who truly care and want to see me succeed. Knowing that makes it easier to put myself out there even more, and after one round of no responses from a media outlet press release, I am ready to resubmit, and follow up.
Today
As of today, I have walked 160 miles in training and raised almost $1800. I am gearing up for the trip to Boston. I keep track of my progress on a small whiteboard at work, and get excited each time I reach a new milestone. I wear my t-shirt proudly on most casual Fridays. I take people up on their offers to walk with me. I write. I see my own progress, I hug those who tell me their own story, and I look forward to being in Boston. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
-Kati Gegg
It's been a long road for me, and there are still times when I feel I haven't worked through my grief. Of course, it will always be a part of who I am now, but I am finally beginning to get unstuck. A big part of my recent progress is participating in the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk in Boston this June.
In November I watched (program), webcast on the AFSP website. Listening to others describe their experiences and grief, I realized that I wanted to be able to speak about my loss too, but in a different way. For 21 years it has mostly been in a detached manner. I wanted to be able to talk about it with feeling, with honesty, with heart, and not feel like I was stumbling over words. These five people could do it, and so I thought maybe one day I could too.
After the webcast I participated in the online chat. I felt mildly uncomfortable putting myself out there; after all, these were complete strangers! To my surprise, there were people there who had the same feelings I did, and offered ME support and empathy. Ok, so now what?
On the AFSP website I read every page I could about the Out of the Darkness Walk in Boston, and just felt that I should walk. I needed to begin my final stages of healing, once and for all.But would my family and friends support me? What about my husband? How was I going to raise the minimum requirement? How was I going to walk 18 miles in the dark? Fortunately, the support available to walkers is there – training schedules, how to fundraise, a personal fundraising page, and people available to help you meet your goals.
At Thanksgiving I approached my family, with my husband's support. We hadn't talked about Michael very much, and I was very nervous. I think they were shocked, and didn't quite know how to react, but by the next day, my mom asked more questions and was showing the seeds of support.
I registered in December. Wow. I was really going to do it. This journey would help me heal, help me move on, help me pull myself out from under my own old cloud of grief.
I shared my plans with my dear friend Amy. I was amazed when she said she would walk with me! And several weeks later, more friends said they wanted to walk also! I had never even imagined asking people to walk with me – I was prepared from the start to walk alone. Knowing that I had the support of several friends made me stronger and even more motivated. I am so grateful!
Newly Commited
In January I sent out my first donation request to a Memories group I created on Facebook for my brother. Within minutes, I received my first donation! Within a few days more people donated. I was so touched by their messages of support.
The training schedule provided much needed structure, and I began walking on January 25 – just five months from the Walk. I recruited a friend from work to train with me. Support comes in more forms than money! We bundled up and braved the cold a couple times a week. Walking with someone makes the walk go quicker, and our friendship has strengthened by spending more time together.
Walking with a friend or coworker gives me a chance to reconnect to people and to share my story. I am able to talk about my experience with my brother's suicide. Sharing the mission of the AFSP makes me feel good, like I am contributing to the efforts of many. After all, it was 21 years until I had heard of the AFSP, and I didn't want other people to have to wait so long.
Walking alone gives me time to reflect and reconnect with myself and my own feelings and emotions surrounding my loss. I think of my brother, of the unanswered questions I will always have, and what kind of man he would have been today. I am renewed in my efforts in walking, in large part because I want other people in crisis to know they have somewhere to turn, someone to talk to... something my brother seemingly was unable to do. Sometimes a specific memory is triggered, and sometimes I cry. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
I've walked all over my neighborhood, around the neighborhood at work, at the gym, and even on vacation. My layers of self-consciousness are slowly unfolding, and I am beginning to recognize the progress I've made both physically and emotionally. It's been close to 20 years since I've jogged, and just a few weeks ago, I jogged! Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
Physically walking gets easier. I know I can tackle four miles, six miles, “The Hill” at work, two hours on the treadmill. Emotionally it is bearable also. Knowing how many people support me gives me so much motivation too. Their support means they believe in me, in the AFSP, and in the need for greater resources available. I am obligated not only to myself, as I first thought, but to each person who has donated time, effort and friendship. I am grateful to everyone who is there for me during this journey, and try to let them all know how they are helping me, and more importantly how they are helping those in crisis or in need of AFSP's resources.
Fundraising
Initially, I was very nervous about being able to raise the minimum requirement. I've always shied away from asking people for money, so $1000 seemed like a huge goal! Again, I relied on the suggestions on the Out of the Darkness website for ideas, and have implemented the ones that make most sense for my personality.
I knew I'd be able to get support from my family, but not the minimum! So I reached out to a group I created online. It's a Memories group, and has over 120 members, all who knew my brother, of knew of him through me. I sent a message to all, and have received some support through there. I post progress reports, and am encouraged by the moral support from them too. To make my appeal more personal, I suggested donations of $16 - $1 for each year of Michael's life, or $21 - $1 for each year he's been gone. A few people responded in just that way! The messages that came through on my fundraising page were heartfelt and sincere, and touched me more than I could have ever imagined.
Going through my address book was another big task for me. Finally it was all gathered, my personal message was drafted (again, based on drafts from the Out of the Darkness website), and I pressed Send. Each donation that came in surprised me, in a very good way, and I began to see just how many people are affected by suicide. Every donation renews my efforts to train and to keep telling people about the Walk. One person forwarded my email to several of his contacts, and within a few days a $200 donation had come in – from a complete stranger! I was amazed. Over the next week, several more donations came in, and it was a flurry of excitement in my heart, with thank-yous, and scheduling more walk time.
I tried to think of creative, relevant ways to ask people for support. In one challenge, I pledged to walk one mile for every person who donated before the end of the week. Four people responded. Not as many as I'd hoped, but four people's support is better than none!
At work, we have a strict policy about soliciting fundraising events, but I still wanted to get the word out. A bake sale wasn't appealing to me... but I can make a mean pot of chili! I ran the idea past my boss, and she was on board right away. I would offer bowls of my homemade chili for a $5 donation. If people brought in a to-go container, they could buy more bowls.
Planning began. I'd offer chili, cornbread, cheese, sour cream and chips. Robin would make the cornbread and bring the fixins. I created sign up sheets with a brief statement of what I was fundraising for, including a picture of Michael and telling of my loss. I placed the sign up sheets in the lunchrooms, and within an hour, people were signing up. One of the first caught me in passing and began to share several stories of how he had been affected by suicide. With just one piece of paper, he shared so openly, and said how tragic it was! He feels that there isn't too much someone can do if they have their mind set on suicide, but truly supports my effort in the hopes that we CAN reach people before it's too late. His story was touching, and his expressions of condolence and support reinforced in my mind that I was doing the right thing.
More people signed up, and as they did, several came to me and shared sympathy and their own stories. I found it was a wonderful way to start a dialogue about why the AFSP and this Walk is so important to me. Plus, I got to say to several people, “Yeah, he really WAS a cutie.” And, “I'm walking so that hopefully, someone else is spared this kind of tragedy.”
By Chili Day Eve, about 40 bowls were pledged. My teammate Amy came over and helped me assemble all five crockpots, plus a spare bowl of ingredients. She took two home and turned them on at 5 a.m., and I turned two on at the same time. The other I would start later for the night shift. In the morning I stopped by her house, had four hot pots of chili infusing my car with spicy aroma, and brought them all into work. A few holdouts were bowled over by the smell wafting through the building, and were practically begging for a bowl! THIS is why I made extra!
We set everything out, and bowl by bowl, donations came in. One manager who had forgotten to sign up handed me some cash, refused a bowl, and said, “for the cause...” Another person asked for a second bowl. Some people gave extra cash, others refused change for a ten or even a twenty. Several times people commented on how they thought it was an important cause. Of course, I agreed whole-heartedly!
As a small token of thanks for those who had donated, I prepared a recipe card – my chili recipe on one side, and my story, with thanks for their support, on the other. I attached a packet of premixed chili spices to it also.
By the time Chili Day was over, my coworkers had donated $350! And this was all without being able to solicit. People told other people, or they saw the sign up sheet. Two friends did encourage people to sign up, and that helped a lot. Even after Chili Day, people sent money, and the final show of support was exactly $400.
I had timed the event for April 8, which historically is still great chili weather. Imagine my anxiety when it was forecast to be in the 80s! Regardless, people still signed up, or asked to buy a bowl, even if they had other lunch plans. How cool is that!
Before I left for the day I composed an email to my supporters. It came from the heart, truly. I am so humbled and proud to be working with such generous people, and wanted everyone to know that their support encourages me to keep training.
More Publicity
Another outlet to raise awareness was to submit an article to my company's newsletter. Using the template on the Out of the Darkness website, I filled in my information and my reasons for participating, and sent it to the editor. After a few logisitics questions, she wrote me a very touching personal email, expressing her condolences. Her display of kindness and concern touched me so immediately, tears came, and I had a good short little cry, right at me desk. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
It was the first time in over 20 years that condolences had touched me so. I've opened myself up to feeling more deeply and to receiving expressions of support. For so many years, that part of me has been closed off. Now, I am beginning to feel as if the support is like a big pillow, and it's ok to fall and stumble, because I have this ever-expanding network of people who truly care and want to see me succeed. Knowing that makes it easier to put myself out there even more, and after one round of no responses from a media outlet press release, I am ready to resubmit, and follow up.
Today
As of today, I have walked 160 miles in training and raised almost $1800. I am gearing up for the trip to Boston. I keep track of my progress on a small whiteboard at work, and get excited each time I reach a new milestone. I wear my t-shirt proudly on most casual Fridays. I take people up on their offers to walk with me. I write. I see my own progress, I hug those who tell me their own story, and I look forward to being in Boston. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.
-Kati Gegg
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
